Thursday, July 28, 2011

The Test

When the technician on my mammogram said not to be surprised if I'm asked to do this again, if they call because the pictures aren't clear, something like that, she didn't say they'd call and get specific, saying the tissue looks "different" in the left breast and that there's a "nodule" to be further examined.

I wasn't going to write about this.

It's common to be retested. Any melodrama made now could be made null in a week, after mammogram number two.

But then again, this could go either way.

You know how when you're traveling, and you step into a hotel room, or someone's guest room, you take it all in as new? You might lie down on the bed as you would your own, yet you're aware of the feel of it, the spongy spring to the mattress and the laundered scent of the blanket.

That's what's happening to me.

The test, then, is not only what comes next week, but whether I can keep a hold on this way of being.

6 comments:

  1. Hm. Worrisome. Melodrama hereby permitted, if desired. You can take it all back later if you like.

    I'll be thinking about you.

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  2. SUCKS! Waiting sucks. Bleathe velly velly deeply?

    Okay - this is weird - the word verification below is 'messes'. Isn't that weird?!

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  3. i recently went through a similar thing. i had to go back for a second mammogram and as much as i tried to convince myself it was completely normal, i wasn't able to. i understand about wanting to hold on to the renewed perspective and am sending positive energy to you for a clear test result.

    (ps, all was well with my re-test btw)

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  4. Lisa: Permission accepted to MOPE around and drink a LOT.

    HH: Messes...yep, that's appropriate.

    Shannon: So you know how this feels. And you came out good! That's great to hear.

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  5. Whatever it is you can only go one step at a time. Having gone through it myself complete with the sharp intact of breath from the Radiologist and a biopsy that removed a whole bunch of calcifications and left me with a mess in my left breast, in my case it turned out to be negative ... HUGE sigh. I guess the point is, you won't know till you know ... so take it slow and feel free to bitch all you want because no matter how much you tell yourself to take it a step at a time, its friggin' scary. Big hug...

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  6. Ah--so this is the major surgery you referred to when we met. And you're looking great now, so you made it through; I'm glad. You won't know til you know is right, and really, we never know what's around the corner for any of us.

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