For The Mom Who's Neither Sweet Nor Gentle

There's a disturbing trend in Mother's Day advertising, and it has a lot to do with sweets and all things gentle.

An email from the local art museum promises "a relaxing classical concert" for Mom, plus desserts.

The newspaper featured a pancake recipe. Presumably one would make the pancakes and wave them under Mom's nose Sunday morning to wake her gently. But careful; we wouldn't want to spill any syrup on the frilly sheets.

And then there is the jewelry. Moms must have diamonds and pearls.

But what do we really want? Let's take a look at some recent purchases of mine for clues.

As for accessories, for example, I recently bought one of these:

Except in purple, which is more feminine.

For entertainment last week, I wanted not the symphony or the art museum, but only a gaze at the Mayweather-Cotto fight. Had I managed the $59.95 fee for pay-per-view, my joy would have been made complete! This fits the jewelry category, as well: surely 50 Cent wore some nice bling as he accompanied Floyd into the ring.

And finally, I do like shoes. In fact, I came home with four pairs this week, which caused my husband some mild heart palpitations. I bought four not because I like to shop, but because I don't--since I found this many that have potential, I figured I'd grab them all at once, like a bird in the hand, or four.

I'll return at least 3 of them. And they're all athletic shoes, by the way. None of these:

And food? I've asked that we do a day trip to Ann Arbor, where I'll stock up on healthy stuff at Whole Foods and Trader Joe's. We'll also make our regular pilgrimage to Liberty Street Robot Supply & Repair, a family favorite. For a time, a robot in the corner would recite pi until you made a donation to their tutoring program.

So there you have it. Some clues on what to get the woman who has everything...that's not all pretty pretty.


  1. omg those shoes look like torture devices! i so hear you on this. i'm not a badass boxer like you, but i'm nowhere near frilly girly land.

  2. I need to post an update; after writing this, I received some more odd and amusing ads via email. Stay tuned...


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